(AP, Richmond reporter Paul Goldman helped on the story)
The Donald and other “dirthers” trumpeted their call for The President to release Osama Bin Laden’s long form death certificate. The “dirthers” cited the laws and customs of Pakistan, saying no person allegedly killed in the country could be buried at sea without first a formal examination by the appropriate authority, with a written death certificate issue.
“It’s been that way since the British ran the joint” said the nation’s top “dirther.” According to the leaders of “Dirther nation,” there was more proof of ET’s crashing at Roswell, New Mexico than the story told last night by the White House, the Pentagon and the CIA.
“Dirther” leader Donald Trump called on Republicans to ask “Panetta the tough questions” when the CIA Director goes before Congress as the President’s nominee for the new head of DOD. “The CIA manufactured the moon landing, so something this quick in Pakistan would be easy for a junior James Bond.”
“This was a bad real estate deal” said The Donald, pointing out the Bin Laden compound had a value of around $1 million, while we “probably spent $100 million on this raid.” Had someone with real estate experience been in the Oval Office, he would have bought the property from the listing agent “and came by to discuss new rent terms. Then I would have seized Bin Laden – assuming he was there of course – and tried on PayTV like their did the Nazi war criminals. I would have gotten that guy from Idol to handle it, we could have made enough to pay off the national debt without raising taxes.”
The Donald speculated that a deal had been cut between Pakistan, the US and Bin Laden. He bet\ the US got to claim it had killed Bin Laden, in return for the terrorists agreement to pretend to be dead, and forever say out of sight.
“I believe that Bid Laden is now in the Pakistani witness protection program, and will be given a new name, appearance, a home in a suburb of Honolulu, and then would be admitted to Harvard once the ink dried on his phony grade transcripts.”
Trump said the government officials in the Aloha State had already proven their ability to create phony ID documents. He also said that part of the deal was for the Saudi government to give secret donation’s to the new Democratic group set up to attack Trump and other Republicans.
“They put up the money for 9/11 you know, all but one of the 9/11 hijackers were Saudi’s, from Bin Laden’s home town too or close by. ”
“Why would the President “asked the top “dirther” suddenly “believe that he had to release what he claimed was his long form birth certificate to deal with that issue but at the same time, decide he could claim to kill Bin Laden without producing a death certificate?” I intend to buy the alleged Bin Laden property and find out whether the President’s story withstands investigation.”
The nation’s top dirther said he had heard about this being the “plot” for the unpublished novel by Larry Beinhart, who wrote “American Hero”, the inspiration for the movie “Wag The Dog” starring Dustin Hoffman and Robert De Niro.
“Now we know why the President went to that big fund-raiser in Hollywood not long ago” declared the nation’s top dirther. “He had to approve the final script rewrite.”