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EPA’s Notorious Fart Police

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Among our conservative friends, facts are becoming an increasing casualty — not to be simply wounded, but tortured, stomped upon and forced to endure grisly, painful deaths.

In case you need any more confirmation of that, check out Mother Jones’ recent story, “The Right’s Top 5 EPA Conspiracy Theories.”

According to Fox News, the Wall Street Journal, the NRA, the US Chamber of Commerce, and Republican members of the US Congress, the nefarious plans of the US Environmental Protection Agency include:

– Regulating milk spills: Yes, this one came from the esteemed Wall Street Journal — the completely false and absurd claim that EPA was planning to regulate spilled milk the same way it regulates oil spills. And GOP Congressman like Jeff Flake (AZ) and Danny Rehberg (MT) bought it and denounced the “idea” on the House floor.  Like, c’mon, no point crying over non-existent spilled milk rules…

– Controlling cow farts: The myth that EPA is planning to regulate bovine flatulation came from one of those industry astroturf groups, the Western Institute for Study of the Environment, which applied an impressive act of gymnastics to derive this silly idea from a proposed EPA rule to regulate…automobiles. See if you can follow their “logic”. I sure can’t.

– Banning lead in bullets:  The president of the NRA and his lackeys in Congress have been going ballistic (sorry) on this one. Basically, an environmental group petitioned EPA to come out with such a rule and the agency said, in no uncertain terms: “EPA was not and is not considering taking action on whether the lead content in hunting ammunition poses an undue threat to wildlife,” But how can you trust the word of such a malevolent agency about its own intentions?

– Enforcing home energy use reduction: Lock your doors and bolt your windows (as long as they’re single pane)!

Rep. Steve Scalise (R-La.) has warned that energy-efficiency measures contained in the House climate bill would create a “global warming Gestapo”. Obama conspiracy theorist extraordinaire Jerome Corsi has similarly warned that the  “energy police are about to invade your home with ‘smart meters.'”

Yeah, nothing the government wants to do more than send storm troopers to break down your door to make you turn off that plasma TV. Just like in Russia!

– Regulating breathing:  Yes, this is where EPA’s greenhouse gas rules will lead according to our Repub friends in Congress —

“Every living person is now a source of pollution by exhaling CO2 and water vapor,” Rep. Denny Rehberg (R-Mont.) said in a January 2010 speech on the House floor. “Every breath you take, every word you utter is now subject to EPA regulations,”

Wasn’t that a song by the Police?  Regardless, I will leave the last word to Mother Jones:

In reality land, the EPA has issued a rule specifically limiting the emission regulations to the largest sources in the country-meaning a person would have to emit quite a bit of hot air to qualify. Not that we’re writing off that possibility in Rehberg’s case