by Paul Goldman
A stickler for legalisms will no doubt say I am wrong, that economic liberalism isn’t brain dead, a requirement for being put in the cooling tank next to Howard Hughes at the billionaire’s cryonics facility. ‘Keep hope alive” said the Reverend Jessie Jackson, and so believe me, I understand the claim that economic liberalism is now at a Nevada extended care facility, with the President and Democratic congressional leaders promising it will be all better in two years after swallowing 731 daily doses of Dr. George Bush’s controversial medicine.
But what if Sarah Palin is right, and the President’s new health care law does indeed have those wacky “death panels” after all? The President and Democrats Congress said she was wrong, they would never do such a thing. But then, they also promised for years that George W. Bush was wrong on the economy.
So it’s possible, is it not, that they are wrong about Sarah Palin too.
If that is the case, it would take a brave economic liberal to want to face one of those death panels as things stand right now. In the great movie “Defending Your Life”, co-star Albert Brooks can get a second chance but only if he can convince this make-believe death panel of having done enough positive stuff in previous one.
Clearly such an economic liberal, facing this death panel, could cite Wilson, Roosevelt, Truman, Kennedy, Johnson, Carter and Clinton, all who had a lot of disagreements on any number of issues, but stayed true to the basic economic liberalism that built the modern Democratic party and as history shows, proved to be right in terms of laying the foundation for America’s greatest century. They had help from Republicans too, but by and large, there were two recessions under Eisenhower, the Wage and Price control fiasco under Nixon, a Recession under Reagan [but this a result of having to correct the Inflation debacle during Carter’s term] a recession under the first George Bush and of course the Great Recession begun by the policies of the second George Bush.
Truth is, most America’s economic downturns started under Republicans, not Democrats.
Truth is, most of America’s economic comebacks started under Democrats, not Republicans.
Okay, let me stop boring you with the facts, death panels have to think of the greater good of society.
Bad news first: Such a death panel is going to pull the plug on economic liberalism. It began roughly 100 years ago with the first progressive income tax, posed by Wilson in response to the demands of the American people, their having approved the 16th amendment in 1913. So there are a lot of younger patients who can better use our limited resources, such as the 78-year-old Hoover Republicans still claiming their hero was right and FDR wrong. They are younger and right now, Washington thinks they may have the cure for the Great Depression if only FDR hadn’t been brainwashed by his liberal wife.
Good news second: The Howard Hughes cryonics facility isn’t covered by the new health care law, it is considered experimental medicine so if you can pay the annual fee for your cooling tank, then come on in, the water is fine, the death panel may think you ain’t worth it, but heck, it’s your money.
Actually, it is not water really, but what they call cryoprotectants, think of the stuff as anti-freeze for the cryogenetically challenged, needed to so your body will not develop ice crystals and destroy your tissue and organs when cooled down to -130 Centigrade.
More good news: Cryonicists, the folks that take your money and promise their corporate successors will thaw you out a 1000 years from now, don’t think of you as dead, just one really cool, no make that ice cold, mummy. And you thought the Brendan Fraser movie was sci-fi?
So technically, I guess I am wrong after all, economic liberalism can be at a cryonics facility without being brain dead since those running the place say Sarah Palin doesn’t have a clue about life and death.
Cheer up economic liberals, Goldy apologizes, economic liberalism is now being cryopreserved, a soul on ice kinda thing, temporarily, just like the Bush IRS code provisions.
Think of it as chillin’ out with the posse, drinking a few really cold ones, debating the properties of matter at absolute zero, which is basically how much influence it has right now.
Of course, you can take your chances, head for that extended care facility instead, and rest comfortably on the promises Sarah Palin is wrong, there are no death panels to worry about.
After all: Get real right, what are the chances the biggest Democrat majorities to control Congress in two generations would kill economic liberalism in order to force the country to follow the advice of Dr. Bush and “Vice”, his apt nickname for the guy whose tie-breaking vote gave us the Full Monte of the Texan’s medical wisdoms?
It would be a cold day in hell, for sure.