You’re probably well aware that the Richmond Times-Dispatch (RTD) editorial board is – as Mitt Romney described himself – “severely conservative.” That’s partly why I call it the “Republican Times-Disgrace,” although there have been plenty more reasons over the years to do so. For instance, how about its endorsements of George Allen? Its endorsement of Mark “Criminalize Miscarriages” Obenshain for AG in 2013? Its endorsement of George W. Bush (worst president ever?) for reelection in 2004? Its endorsement of Mitt Romney in 2012…and many more? Another example is this utterly brain-dead RTD editorial pushing one of the most expensive and government-subsidized sources of power (nuclear power), while dismissing increasingly super-cheap solar and wind power as not being able to meet future demand (even as solar and wind power are growing almost geometrically). In sum, the RTD editorial board is not exactly Phi Beta Kappa or the Mensa Society.
More evidence of the RTD editorial board’s idiocy? Check out their endorsement of Marco Rubio for President; this is seriously one of the stupidest, most poorly-written pieces of drivel I’ve read in a while. It’s not even that they endorsed Rubio, per se, which is stupid enough. It’s just that the entire editorial is so lacking in any serious argument; so weak; so poorly written; so filled with nonsensical-yet-obligatory attacks on Obama and Clinton; so bursting with fawning Reagan worship and laughable comparisons of Rubio to Lincoln, Teddy Roosevelt and Saint Reagan; so utterly brain dead, it’s amazing. Let me summarize the editorial so you don’t have to read it, unless you’re really a glutton for punishment.
- Blah blah blah…obligatory throat clearing exercise about how crucial it is that the RTD do its “duty” and weigh in on the March 1 Virginia GOP primary. Oh thank you, RTD, for doing your duty! (snark)
- Obligatory, ridiculous attacks on Democrats (e.g., that both Hillary Clinton and Bernie Sanders are “unsuited to the office of president” – lol!!!), just to reassert what hairy-chested, rock-ribbed Republicans they are. Yeah, we know guys, we know.
- More throat clearing about why they are writing this editorial, because Donald Trump and Ted Cruz are SOOOO bad that they just HAVE TO speak up! Except that they put in a major caveat on Cruz, that “we are amenable to Senator Cruz’s philosophy regarding the size and scope of government and reverence for the Constitution;” as well as on Trump, that “we understand the frustration of Trump’s supporters, who accurately see a government that fails far too often and a society that seems to be losing touch with the individual freedom that makes America great.” In other words, they almost completely negate the premise for their op-ed before they even get going. Nice job, fellas!
- So what’s the RTD’s problem with Ted Cruz? Now here’s where it gets into “boys go to Jupiter to get more stupider” territory. Believe it or not, the far-right extremist/theocrat Cruz is too…wait for it…yes, too LIBERAL! Hahahaha. But seriously, the RTD actually writes that Cruz’s tax plan is “remarkably similar to the European value-added tax that has enabled the rapid expansion of continental tax collections and a meddling bureaucracy.” Of course, this is totally wrong. In fact, Cruz’s tax plan would give the top 1% wealthiest Americans “a 14.1 percentage point cut, on average, worth $490,000,” while leaving the poorest Americans “marginally worse off.” Sounds like a classic trickle-down, supply-side, “voodoo economics” plan to me, but the RTD somehow sees it as not conservative enough. Any further questions about why I call these guys the “Republican Times-Disgrace?”
- The RTD’s also pissed at Cruz because he lies – which he certainly does – but not about important stuff like climate science or national security or whatever. No, the RTD’s upset with Cruz because he – gasp!!! – “Photoshopped pictures of Marco Rubio with someone who looks like Barack Obama.” Not only that, the RTD calls said Photoshopping “Nixonian in both the dishonesty and the fanatical ambition its tactics reveal.” Hahahahaha. Anyways…
- As for Donald Trump, they start off their criticism of him by saying he’s a – wait for it – “casino owner and reality TV star,” and for that reason “an unacceptably risky roll of the dice.” Of course, they fail to mention that their hero, St. Ronald Reagan, was a B-movie actor and flack for GE, which isn’t any better than “casino owner and reality TV star.” But the main point is that being a reality TV star and casino owner are the least of crude, corrupt neo-fascist and racist Trump’s problems. But does the RTD mention any of that? Nope. Although they do somehow manage to claim that it’s been President Obama (!) who’s set the “divisive tone” the past 7 years, and that Trump could be as bad as THAT! I guess we’ll just chalk this one up to far too many hours in the right-wing fever swamps/echo chamber. Seriously guys, you really should get out more…maybe head down to the country club for a few martinis or whatever.
- OK, so this editorial is already a total cluster**** of idiocy, illogic, meandering nonsense, lack of focus, you name it. But all that’s just a warmup for the main course of idiocy, the RTD’s wildly over-the-top encomiums for Marco Rubio, “a gifted communicator, the best to rise in his party since Ronald Reagan.” Oh, and Rubio’s also “the son of Cuban immigrants who worked their way to the American dream,” ergo superbly qualified to be President of the United States. Or something. And Rubio’s supposedly got a “pragmatic and reasonable” immigration plan (FALSE!), “only two years less” experience in the U.S. Senate than JFK (seriously, they actually make this “argument”), a great tax plan (actually, it’s horrible, as it “would go to the wealthiest taxpayers and add at least $6.8 trillion to the debt over a decade — or $8.2 trillion if interest costs are included”), blah blah blah. And of course he’s a “disciple of Reagan,” the sainted one. Oh, and when he got his a** kicked in NH, after initially blaming the media (something the RTD fails to mention, of course), he finally took responsibility after being mocked relentlessly for that whopper. Impressive, eh? But in the RTD’s view, that’s a sign that Rubio can “take a punch” and “improvise under pressure.” Uhhhhh…alrighty.
- Grand finale: the future of the United States depends on Virginia Republicans voting for the great (as they completely have failed to prove in their unintentionally hilarious editorial) Marco Rubio on Tuesday. If not? Well then, say hello “President Trump or – far more likely – another President Clinton.” We can only hope the RTD got one point right – the last one!