Jon Stewart: “This thing’s not even a sequel, it’s like a shot-by-shot remake!”

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    So two years ago, just to get this straight, two years ago America broke up with you, because you had badly mistreated her. And so you disappear, do some soul-searching, get your head together, and you come back rapping on our door, hat in hand, and you say, “Baby, I know you love me. But if we get back together, I pledge to you, I promise you, I will still try to fuck your sister every chance I get. It’s who I am, baby!  It’s who I am! Now, make up your mind, because I’m not going to ask you twice!