I somehow missed this absolutely fantastic example of a local TV station attempting to scare the living hell out of local parents. Last month, WUSA9 warned about a terrifying narcotic:
It may be one of the most expensive spices in your pantry, costing on average $6.99. However, for some kids it’s a cheap and easily accessible way to get high.
We are talking about nutmeg. When used as intended for cooking and baking, it’s perfectly safe. But all you have to do is search the internet and you will find kids abusing the spice for a thrill.
See, you thought that apple pie you served to your kids was wholesome & all-American. Turns out it’s a gateway drug! No wonder the best variety of the pie is called “Dutch” apple. Clearly, there’s a lesson here: Everything you read on the internet is true.
So, WUSA9, you say nutmeg delivers a “thrill,” huh? Let’s see if there’s any actual evidence of that. First, WUSA9 offers this testimonial from a strung-out junkie fresh off choking down a couple of tablespoons of powdered nutmeg:
Alex points out you also have to get it down. “It is really disgusting. Like I’ve never tasted anything more disgusting.”
Why, I’m sure he’s skipping school regularly for that thrill! And what crazy, insanely awesome effects can nutmeg trippers expect?
Nausea
Vomiting
Abdominal spasms
Convulsions
Palpitations
Dizziness
Dehydration
Dry mouth
Body pain
Irritation of the skin
Fever
Insomnia
Constipation
I did a quick search to find out exactly how much nutmeg you’d have to cram down your throat to get any sort of high & found a hilarious testimonial from a stoner who decided to try nutmeg: “Nutmeg intoxication did not seem euphoric in any way or pleasing to me …. The nutmeg high resembled flu …. If people are talking about nutmeg as though it is the next thing, then they are mistaken.”
There should be a requirement that any reporter about to claim your kids might get involved in a thrilling/scary new trend should first be forced to try it themselves.
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