Okay, so I know that Blue Virginia isn’t a job posting site. But there is job opening available through November 8, 2016 in case any of the readers are interested, or may know somebody looking for something.
Job Posting: Immediate job opening available for running mate for large national campaign with real estate billionaire intent on making America great again.
All persons accepted: White people, the Blacks, the Hispanics, the Jews, and even the Gays. Women may apply, but have to be attractive (at least a hard 8). Carly Fiorina need not apply; look at that face!
Skills required: Greatness, excellence, being good at everything you do (or at least believing you’re good at everything you do). Must know lots of stuff, preferably about other countries.
Previous experience: At least 5 years experience placating the ego of a very rich man with lots of money. Experience saying yes to things even if they are morally questionable. Knowledge of running pyramid schemes, defrauding investors and local communities by making grand promises that are impossible to keep. Experience suing people who expose you as a fraud, filing for corporate bankruptcy protection, accumulating Twitter followers, building large walls and making other people pay for them.
Duties included: Defending all statements by the candidate on the top of the ticket. Defending them even when those statements are considered racist, sexist, ignorant, or complete gibberish. Defending persons who attend rallies in order to beat up protesters. Expected to send tweets at all hours of the night without thinking of their implications. Expected to spread rumors about Hillary Clinton, including her sexuality, her marriage, her e-mails, and “Benghazi.” Expected to discuss how Hillary Clinton being a woman makes her unfit for office. Must be comfortable contradicting yourself on abortion, health care, foreign policy, and pretty much every issue, depending on the audience. Proficient at manipulating people’s baser instincts and greatest fears to make them like you.
Education: College degree preferred. Degrees from fake institutions like Trump University are not acceptable. Must be a real school.
Must be comfortable working with a campaign manager who has represented African dictators and strongmen. Expected to travel most of the time, unless you’re cool with phoning in to random television and radio programs if you don’t feel like showing up in person.
Valid driver’s license required along with a viable birth certificate proving you were born in America, and not Canada or Kenya.
Contact: Donald Trump, Make America Great Again, Mar-a-Lago, Florida.
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