Jon Stewart: “This thing’s not even a sequel, it’s like a shot-by-shot remake!”

So two years ago, just to get this straight, two years ago America broke up with you, because you had badly mistreated her. And so you disappear, do some soul-searching, get your head together, and you come back rapping on our door, hat in hand, and you say, “Baby, I know you love me. But if we get back together, I pledge to you, I promise you, I will still try to fuck your sister every chance I get. It’s who I am, baby!  It’s who I am! Now, make up your mind, because I’m not going to ask you twice!