( – promoted by lowkell)
Actual text [with a little reading between the lines [that is, brackets] from yours truly – [Publius]:
* Reduce excessive regulation [by that job-killing EPA] so that more [fossilized] energy resources can be explored [fracked!] and developed [mountaintops are for the birds!] and more high-paying jobs can be created [in coal & gas executive offices];
* Prevent excessive energy taxes [like those highway maintenance taxes at the gas pump and those silly county coal severance taxes for education] that could destroy [black lung-generating] jobs, cost consumers, and restrict [plundering] development of the Commonwealth’s natural resources;
* Fight for Virginia’s [Gawd-given] right to [employ the 2nd Amendment to] responsibly explore our abundant offshore [oil & gas] energy resources, and streamline [the elimination of] related regulations so quality jobs [stripping the top off of mountains] can be created in the immediate term; [but it’s always too early and too costly to develop off-shore wind, which won’t work anyway;]
* Reform or eliminate failed [good for nothing] clean energy programs, such as the Renewable Portfolio Standard bonuses, in order to harness [fossilized] private-sector innovation and prevent [someone other than ME…uh, I mean] the government from picking winners and losers;
* Protect the environment, [(don’t worry Alpha – just kidding, lol)] while [actually eliminating uh…I mean] balancing this protection with the critical need to increase energy [and sagging coal] production, improve and modernize energy technology, and bolster job creation; [we really need more fossil fuel jobs since jobs in renewable energy far-outstrip fossilized energy job growth;]
* Remove barriers to the timely installation and modernization of critical [new highway lane] infrastructure [but no public money for rail or transit–no, No, NO!]
* Require Virginia’s Department of Environmental Quality to consider and report on positive indirect effects of proposals, such as making Virginia more competitive for job creation, reducing congestion, improving power consumption efficiency, and increasing the ability of Virginians to afford higher standards of living [yes, encourage shopping instead of messing with that old useless environmental quality–what spoil sports!!!];
* Oppose federal overreach in the energy and environment sphere, such as the Environmental Protection Agency’s (EPA) [-talk about spoil sports! Yes, my favorite whipping boy!] effort to treat water like [it can be polluted, uh, I mean] a pollutant;
* Balance conservation with taxpayer costs in government programs such as fleet modernization and LEED certification of government buildings;[conservation, life-cycle costs? what liberal baloney–“da, da, da, da live for today;”]
* Support development of a wide range of alternative and clean power options including [but quietly NEVER implementing any of the following, except this first one – nucular – just to show that we believe there’s a role for government bailing out energy – I mean justly rewarding winners], nuclear, wind, solar, biomass, geothermal, without relying on government subsidies [like we provide nucular, coal, oil & gas–they got there first, so they already are the winners], and encourage research in clean coal technology [which pay Alpha to work on…and on. Come on – clap your hands if you believe in clean coal!]
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