Cross-posted at Daily Kos
Congratulations, Koch Industries, on your purchase of a brand new US House of Representatives! We hope you enjoy your new House.
Please keep in mind that your ownership of this product comes with important limitations. These are articulated in the Constitution that came with your product. Please review this document carefully. Failure to follow this Constitution could invalidate your warranty.
In order to prolong the life of your purchase, we offer the following tips on care and cleanliness:
We recommend that you not apply excess pressure to your new House. Doing so could cause the more fragile portions of this product to break off in 2 years. (We have learned this from previous customers’ experience.) WARNING: Exerting extreme pressure on this product could cause it to blow up in the owner’s face.
We strongly recommend that you keep this product clean. If this product is excessively dirty, it may fail to function. This product is best kept clean through continual exposure to sunlight.
Never allow anyone under the influence of alcohol, drugs, or extreme ideologies to operate this product as they could cause it to crash.
This product is not meant to be limited to any one user but is designed to be shared with other users. Failure to recognize others’ rights to this product could lead to this product’s parts coming into conflict and seizing up.
This product comes with a limited warranty of 2 years. After that, we cannot guarantee a replacement to your satisfaction.
If you have any questions about this product, please call our customer service department at 1-800-SEE-UN12 We look forward to keeping a close eye on you over the next two years.