Legislation to designate Ignoramus youngkinosaurus the new state fossil of Virginia introduced
For Immediate Release Contact: Glen Besa
(Richmond) It was not a typical day for ODU paleontologist Olden Bones. Nothing like the Dominion Energy and fossil fuel lobbyists who prowl the halls of our state capitol trolling for delegates and senators, Dr. Bones worked in the field and lab studying the paleontological record of Virginia looking for fossils. But with rising seas threatening to inundate a newly discovered fossil bed right on the edge of the Chesapeake Bay, Dr. Bones was in Richmond as a citizen and a scientist to warn state legislators about the climate emergency that was threatening Hampton Roads, where he lives, and the entire planet.
Dr. Bones had been encouraged when the General Assembly joined the Regional Greenhouse Gas Initiative to place a cap on carbon from fossil fuel power plants. He was even more pleased when state legislators passed the Virginia Clean Economy Act to accelerate the commonwealth’s move away from fossil fuels. Now he was in Richmond, trying to convince state legislators that more action was needed to avert the worst consequences of climate change.
As luck would have it, as he was on Capitol Square in the vicinity of the Governor’s Executive Mansion, a rock outcrop caught his trained eye. Upon closer examination he discovered right there in plain sight the fossilized remains of an entirely new species of dinosaur in the rocks.
As the discoverer, Dr. Bones has the honor of naming the new dinosaur species. Recognizing the new Governor’s fondness for fossil fuels and disdain for climate protection measures like RGGI and the Virginia Clean Economy Act, Dr. Bones decided to name the new dinosaur species Ignoramus youngkinosaurus after Governor Glenn Youngkin.
The fossil record showed Ignoramus youngkinosaurus was one of a family of dinosaur species that were among the first to go extinct. Ignoramus youngkinosaurus’ cranial cavity was exceedingly small, and with limited primitive vision, Ignoramus youngkinosaurus and other species of that same family measured their time in mere years rather than eons. Had it not been for Dr. Bones’ discovery, Ignoramus youngkinosaurus would have been lost to the dustbin of history.
With the discovery of Ignoramus youngkinosaurus on the Capitol grounds, Senator Bumpass was inspired to introduce a bill naming Ignoramus youngkinosaurus the new state fossil, replacing Chesapecten jeffersonius, which was the very first fossil discovered in Virginia in 1687. That bill is now pending before the General Assembly.
Note: The opinions expressed in this (satirical) blog post are solely those of the author, and are not intended to reflect the opinion or the positions of any organizations with which he may be associated.