An exciting and tough new reality TV show will begin on Foxy TV channel with the 2011 fall season, according to Dick Kockalorum, producer. Mr. Kockalorum was reticent about revealing full details, but did explain that the theme is based on border crossings by illegal aliens in the Southwestern desert. It will be filmed on location, and will pit a band of nine desperate but hopeful illegal immigrants against a three-person vigilante border patrol under the notorious Fee Party leader Big Max Goper, who is an actual Arizona Sheriff. Both sides will be fully armed for free by the NRA, but rules will permit use of firearms no more than three times on each side during the series, and then only in delineated free fire zones. Goper will be able to hunt from a helicopter, and the immigrants will have access to secret tunnels and safe houses.
Any immigrant who makes it (wounded or otherwise) to a pre-selected but undisclosed location will be given amnesty and be given a job by Mr. Kockalorum in the family industry (oil and gas production, actually in Canada). Sheriff Goper will be given a campaign donation and other support, and the two members of his team will receive public recognition and a bonus for every immigrant who does not make it to the final safe house.
Mr. Kockalorum says the show is sponsored by the NRA, Kockalorum Industries (which hires immigrants for jobs Americans will not do), and the Fee Party Xpress National Committee. He added that all advertising slots have already been filled by various Republican/Fee Party candidates running in the upcoming November elections, but that additional slots will be available for the second series, beginning in December with an all new cast. “The eleven illegals have already been chosen,” said Mr. Kockalorum, “but we are still holding auditions for the two border vigilantes under Sheriff Goper. Applications are available online at GoperDude.war. We are a full opportunity employer, but are looking for someone who can stay the course.” When a reporter asked if Mr. Kockalorum had received any blowback about running such an existential and stressful show, he replied that “The show will be aired only after children are supposed to be in bed, and is considered fully protected as corporate political speech under the First Amendment.”
UPDATE: This snark is based on actual comments by Kansas state representative Virgil Peck, Republican from Tyro, KS, as reported in The New York Daily News, and in the blog Little Green Footballs. At a legislative committee hearing in Kansas Mr. Peck commented that it might be a “good idea to control illegal immigration the way feral hog population has been controlled– with hunters shooting from helicopters.” He later said he was joking, but, according to The New York Daily News, he was “unapologetic,” noting that he was from southeastern Kansas where his constituents were upset about illegal immigrants.
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