From NO CAR TAX To GREEN CAR TAX: A Fairy Tale

Cross-posted at Daily Kos

Once upon a time, there was a wild and barbarous land called Virginia, ruled by a race of giant trolls named Republicans. This land also contained tiny dwarves known as Democrats, but nobody ever really tended to notice them.

The Republican trolls liked to do big, messy, smelly, destructive things, like chopping off the tops of mountains to turn them into coal fields, and covering their shores with oil rigs. The trolls liked to drive around in big vehicles known as pickups and SUVs.

One day, a particularly gruesome troll named Gilmore jumped on a rock to get all the others’ attention and yelled three words: “No Car Tax!” He repeated it over and over, until all the Republican trolls were excitedly yelling the same words, waving their hands and jumping up and down. (Trolls are very good at repeating things.)

In this way, Gilmore became King of the Trolls and was able to greatly reduce the hated car tax on their pickups and SUVs, and encourage another favorite troll chant — “Drill Baby Drill” — to ensure that the messy, smelly oil fields continued to fill the land.

So, all was good in the land of Virginia, until one day the trolls noticed that the dwarves also drove cars, but theirs were smaller and used less gasoline. This angered the trolls, since it contradicted the “Drill Baby Drill” chant.  

And so, the new King of the Trolls, named McDonnell — a troll with unusually excellent hair — jumped on a tree stump and started a new chant: “Green Car Tax!” Pretty soon, all the Republican trolls were waving their arms and yelling the same thing. So of course, there was a Green Car Tax imposed across the land, the oil fields kept flowing, and all was good in Virginia again.

It is possible that the Democratic dwarves may have said something on this matter, but as usual, no one paid any attention to them.

So, the moral of the story, boys and girls, is this: Trolls rule while dwarves get stomped on. Now shut up and go to bed. THE END.